The Grocery Store

Okay--usually I do my grocery shopping when Chad's here and we all go, or I go by myself and he keeps the kids at home. Well, he's not here and we are out of orange juice, which for those of you who don't know, that's like being out of WATER at my house. Marlie can't live without it...oh, who am I kidding, I can't either. Anyway--so we're out of orange juice and I'm thinking, "I'll just run to the neighborhood market and pick up some oj...get in, get what we need, get out." WRONG. What was I thinking? Not sure why I actually thought I could go to the grocery store with two kids and walk away with a shred of sanity. That's all I hoped for...just a shred. Didn't happen. I know some of you are thinking...people do this all the time, what's the big deal? Well, I'll tell you. The big deal is that those other people are doing it with their kids...not mine.
So, here's how it went down: It all started with the choosing of the shopping cart. The kids are always wanting to sit in one of those with the two seats on the front, which, if you've never pushed one with two kids in it, its like pushing a VERY heavy cart with no wheels. So, anyway, I decided to give up that argument and let them ride in the limo cart. What I didn't realize was that by agreeing to this cart I was also agreeing to them arguing over who sat where. So once that was settled, we headed into the store. I made the ultimate mistake of going by the bakery section. I didn't slow down, but they sniffed out the doughnuts anyway, so into the cart they go. It was pretty smooth sailing through most of the produce section, but then they spotted the pumpkins.
Carter: "Can we get one?"
Me: "No. We're going to the pumpkin patch on Saturday, we'll get one there."
Marlie: "Can we get a baby one?"
Me: "No."
Carter: "Awwww, Man!!!"
Me: "Carter, don't complain."
Carter: "But we never get anything."
Me: silence....trying not to lose it....
I made the next mistake when I went down the cereal isle.
Carter: "We NEEEEED that waffle cereal."
Me: "No, we don't."
Carter: "Yeah, we do."
Me: "No, we don't. We have cereal at home."
Marlie: "I need the barbie cereal."
Me: "No, you don't."
Marlie: "What about the princess cereal?"
Me: "No."
Carter: "You say 'no' a lot, Mama."
Me: silence....trying not to lose it...
Still on the cereal isle:
Me: "Carter, Marlie, sit down. You're going to fall!"
Carter: "MARLIE!!! Stop kissing me!"
Carter: "MAMA!! Marlie won't stop kissing me..."
Me: "Marlie, stop kissing your brother, he doesn't want kisses right now."
Me: "Carter, Marlie, sit down. You're going to fall!"
Carter: "EWWW! Mama! Marlie's kissing the cart!"
Me: "Gross, Marlie. Don't kiss the cart. That's disgusting!"
Marlie: "I'm not bisdusting!"
Me: "I didn't say YOU were disgusting. Kissing the cart is disgusting. There are germs on it."
Marlie: "What are germs?"
Me: "Little things that can make you sick. Just don't put your mouth on ANYTHING!!"
Marlie: "You mean, like dirt?"
Me: "Yes, Marlie, like dirt."
Me: "Carter, Marlie...if you don't sit down RIGHT NOW, we will put the doughnuts back and both of you will get a time out when we get home!"
Marlie: "MAMA!! IneedtogopottyIneedtogopottttyyyy!!"
(This was only about 7 minutes into the store, mind you.)
Me: "Marlie, that's why I asked you to go before we left the house."
Marlie: "IneedtogopottyIneedtogopotty!!!"
Me: "Okay, okay...we'll go potty."
Inside the restroom (the family one):
Carter: "I'll go first...I need to go more than Marlie." all the while stepping up...
Marlie: "NO CARTER!! I SAID I NEEDED TO GO!"
Carter: "I'm already going, Marlie, you'll have to wait."
Marlie with her legs crossed: "Okay...."
Carter: "What's that?"
Me: "A diaper dispenser."
Marlie: "he he he...diapers...I don't wear diapers anymore."
Me: "I know, you're a big girl."
Carter: "No she's not. She's only 3."
Marlie: "Mama! Carter said I'm not a big girrrllll!"
Me: "Carter, tell Marlie you're sorry. She IS a big girl."
Carter: "sorrymarlie"
Me: "Stop touching everything! Didn't we just have the conversation about germs!"
Marlie: "What's a converstation?"
Me: "ughhh, just wash your hands."
Me: "Carter! Stop using the towel as a belt and throw it away!"
Carter: "AWWWwww MAN!"
Me: "No one touch anything, just skooch out the door and get back in the cart!"
Carter: "Can we get ice cream?"
Me: "No. We just need to get something for dinner and then we're leaving."
Carter: "You mean we can't get ANYTHING?"
Me: "If you're good, you can get some fruit snacks."
Carter: "Marlie, you better sit down, or you can't get any fruit snacks."

At the self-check-out:
Carter: "I'll put all the stuff on the thing."
Marlie: "NO CARTER! I want to put all the stuff on the thing!"
Me: "No one is putting the stuff on the thing."
Carter: "Then how are we going to pay?"
Me: "Ayy Chi-wa-wa...I WILL PUT THE STUFF ON THE THING!"
Marlie: "Carter! Stop touching my fruit snacks!"
Carter: "I was helping Mama!"
Me: "NO ONE TOUCH ANYTHING!"

The whole time we were in the grocery store, Carter kept saying: "Mama, don't forget to pay."
in the loudest voice possible. People probably think I'm a cleptomaniac and my kids are trying to keep me in line. Anyway--just wanted to share a little peek into what its like when I run to the grocery store to get orange juice. Fun times, I tell ya.